I’ve never understood smokers, and I’ve never liked being near lit cigarettes. Smoking is expensive, stings your eyes, tastes horrid, makes clothing stink and eventually kills you. But how can you get people to quit?
You can’t. If you tell them they need to quit, you will likely get a rude reply. Simply put, they have to want to quit. If they are patient enough you can share arguments as to why they should quit, and you can nag them to stop being complacent and to really think about it. But you can’t force them to quit, because it’s not your choice, it’s theirs.
Some people aptly call anti-smoking crusaders ‘evangelists’ (and a few names I can’t print here). My close friends who smoke know that I think they should quit, and I relish providing the latest gruesome details of how unhealthy it is. I don’t nag them, because that would destroy the relationship, but I don’t just ignore their smoking because I care about them. I feel I would be a bad friend if I didn't.
I’ve never liked door-to-door evangelists. I wish they’d just walk past my home. They show up without warning; when I’m busy or relaxing or when I don’t want to talk about the profound questions they pose. I seldom agree with their answers, though I usually can’t make the case as clearly or eloquently as they can. (They’ve rehearsed – which is cheating!) But most of all, why would I share those kinds of intimate beliefs while standing at the front door, with someone I just met, who doesn’t care about my opinions?
I discuss the meaning of life with close friends late Saturday evening, over a bottle of wine, slouching in comfy chairs. That's the right setting for exploring deep questions. I want to know what my friends believe. I love challenging and adding to my own beliefs by exploring their views. Spiritual growth is an important part of my life, and my friends help me in this endeavour.
On the other hand, I think it is unhealthy and sad to live a shallow life, never contemplating its meaning. So for friends who aren’t walking forward on a spiritual path, I don’t just ignore their complacency because I care about them. I feel I would be a bad friend if I didn't.
